“The key to humor is often self-loathing or sarcasm. In a sense, that’s how self-loathing is made palatable.” ~ James Grey
Sarcasm seems to be the mode of communication these days. Social media can truly be a wonderful tool, but it can also reduce our communication skills to quips and memes that create an attitude of mockery instead of genuine compassion. How many of you have felt the sting of someone’s mocking tone and when you decided to speak up, you were told, “Lighten up! I’m only joking.”
Don’t get me wrong––I can be just as sarcastic as the next person. And, I live in a household of people who are sarcasm masters. Believe me, they truly are funny. But sometimes, when I’m needing to connect on a personal level and the only response I receive is sarcasm, it leaves me feeling a bit lonely and disjointed.
Or maybe you have that one person in your life who likes to throw sarcastic remarks at you in front of others while everyone enjoys a good laugh. However, you begin to notice that the remarks seem to always be at your expense. Instead of laughing along with everyone else, you sense the jokes are more of a passive-aggressive attempt to bring you down a notch in the eyes of others or to keep you at a distance.
The modern definition of sarcasm is:
The use of irony to mock or convey contempt; A sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain; A mode of satirical wit depending for its effect on bitter, caustic, and often ironic language that is usually directed against an individual.
The origin of the word sarcasm comes from the Greek word sarc meaning to cut the flesh. And although words may not draw blood, they certainly do have the ability to cut into our souls.
Maybe this is why the fourth attribute of Stephen Joseph’s 7 Qualities of Truly Authentic People is listed as, they:
Have a non-hostile sense of humor
I think James Grey hit the proverbial nail on the head when he said that self-loathing is often at the root of someone who uses sarcasm as a weapon. Maybe it seems as though the weapon is pointed outward, but most likely that weapon is a self-protective method that keeps others from getting too close or seeing a true vulnerable side. The one wielding the weapon seems to have control, but I wonder what would happen if they let that sword drop to their side (sarcasm) and actually connected on a personal level. They might find that the false sense of control that sarcasm creates pales in comparison to the authentic joy of true non-hostile conversation.
Proverbs 17:22 (ESV) says, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”
The ability to laugh and enjoy the company of others is a gift that needs to be cultivated in the day in which we live. I just recently returned from a mission’s trip into Thailand. We spent some time after the last Sunday morning service sitting out in the sunshine and enjoying the company of our Thai friends. New puppies, being weaned from their mother, were brought out for everyone to hold. Watching the children laugh as the puppies yawned and made funny faces warmed our hearts. We ate food, we smiled, we laughed, we took pictures, we watched the puppies, all while not being able to have lengthy conversations because of the language barrier. But, make no mistake, there was authentic connection. And it was refreshing!
I understand that sin has made our relationships somewhat unsafe, even when we have the best of intentions. But, I am challenging myself, leading into this new year, to be someone who has an authentic approach to all aspects of life. This kind of authenticity is not “me being true to myself,” but rather, me finding rest in God and then offering the fruit of that to others. Rest from what? Rest from fear of rejection, self-condemnation, and a tendency to isolate. Instead, I choose to embrace a sense of vulnerability and cultivate true connectivity.
That’s a tall order from someone who identifies as a recovering perfectionist. But, I’m choosing to drop whatever sword I tend to wield as a weapon to keep people at a safe distance. I used to tell people that sarcasm was my love language. So, if you hear an occasional sarcastic quip coming from me, just remember that I identify as recovering…meaning, I’m still in the process.